Parent Guilt

I often hear that parents don't follow through because they feel guilty about something that happened in the child's life. This leads to the child having more and more struggles with their behavior and the parent feeling more and more stressed. They tell me they do this because they feel guilty and want to make up for it by giving the child whatever he wants. They say they think this will help the child heal from whatever happened.

In reality, they are impacting their child's ability to heal and grow from this experience. They are impugning their child when the give in. Children need boundaries, especially after they experience a significant stressor or trauma. These boundaries come in the form of consistency and follow through from the parent or caregiver. In general, the more trauma or stressors the child has had, the more structure needs to be present in order for the child to heal and become successful.

Yes, if you have struggled with consistency, when you start to implement boundaries, there will be more substantial behaviors from the child. This is them trying to learn exactly where that line is. When you follow through every time, after about 3 months, you'll start to see noticeable improvements in behaviors. Small changes can be seen in as little time as a week.

Remember to pour that guilt into helping your child instead of hindering their ability to grow and heal. Follow through, be consistent, and set boundaries.

If you feel stuck or like it's not working, reach out to us. We are here to help. You are on the right path. Change is possible.